Over the last 2 months I have found myself on a most curious adventure. I didn’t pack a bag, book a plane ticket or make hotel reservations. I had no itinerary, no friends or places to visit. The tools I arrived with were invisible and gathered unwittingly through the course of my lifetime. I responded to a call. I said yes, to what the universe was asking of me, without resistance. And as a result, I was gifted the time to go inside and free myself from none other than myself.
“Why didn’t you choose me?” This question reverberated through my entire being as I walked in the foothills of Calgary. As these words replayed in my head over and over again, I had a visceral reaction. My body started to shake and it felt like the foundation I had built my entire identity upon began to crumble. I sat down on the ground with tears pouring down my face and closed my eyes. As I sat on the cold ground, I had a vision of an entire city burning and falling to the ground. I knew in my heart that what was burning was everything I had built to protect me from having to feel the pain of not feeling chosen. I wasn’t afraid, I was filled with relief, and in that moment, a level of peace washed over me that I will never forget.
Over the next few days I experienced a very deep unfurling or unwinding from old belief patterns. As this was happening, I felt an intense fragility coupled with an internal strength that was different than anything I had ever experienced. I began to see how so much of what I had done throughout my life was unconsciously driven by the core belief that I wasn’t worthy of being chosen. My accomplishments in life, while real, were driven unconsciously by a need to be shiny and bright, to distract from a deep feeling of insignificance. I had built a city of shiny buildings, to protect what I had deemed unlovable. And I had spent a lifetime building an army to defend or attack anyone who posed a threat to my city. That way, the insecurity that was hidden at its center could remain so forever.
I share my story, because it is our story. I have been doing this work for 30 years, and just when I think I’ve “arrived,” I learn there is deeper work to do. The biggest masks we wear are not the ones we wear with each other but rather the ones we use to hide from ourselves. We look for the world “out there” to reflect us back to ourselves, but ultimately we are projecting a false image, and all that will be reflected back to us is our own projection. We are looking for acceptance and validation from the world around us, and yet we are hiding from ourselves. It is said, that to be seen is to become. I am beginning to truly understand that it is we who need to turn inward with fierce gentleness and compassion and receive the totality of ourselves. Only then can the mirror of another reflect back to us the truth of who we really are. Only then are we truly free.
I would like to request a return to original design. May these changes be as pain free as possible and to the fullest potential in present time.
Thank you…
Remember Divine Blueprint please.
With Love,
Jacqueline
Comments