Mirror mirror on the wall.
You hold my answers big and small.
When I remember to look inside,
And feel the things I want to hide.
I find my anger, my grief, my fear
And I ride the waves until the murky turns clear.
I free myself from the shackles of my past,
And find freedom in the here and now at last.
~Jacqueline Wener-Kalbfleisch
For the past two years I have been exploring the Presence Process by Michael Brown. My time with the process has felt like an initiation into a level of awareness that I had been both longing for and avoiding with every ounce of my being. Longing for, because it calls the willing participant into union with self and the creative flow of the universe. Avoiding, because it demands a level of radical responsibility to get there, and I’m not sure I was ready for it until now.
Michaels’ words seep through the armor of the ego and help us to see that our reactions to the world outside are sourced unequivocally, from unintegrated experiences inside. I have learned that war and drama is something that we create by hiding behind our fears and projecting them outward. The peace we seek is something that each of us is responsible for creating, by meeting ourselves fully and feeling everything we want to hide from.
Imagine this…every person and circumstance that comes into your life is designed to serve you. Whatever is unresolved in you, will light up with reactivity in the presence of another. When we get triggered our knee jerk reaction is to project on to each other. When we do so, our egos go to battle and create worlds of drama for all involved. When instead, we take a breath, and turn our attention inward, we create the opportunity to cultivate inner peace and harmony. This isn’t easy, in fact, it takes practice, lots of practice, and the kind of bravery, and courage, that we would normally identify with Superheroes.
Just recently, I had an interchange with my son. I could easily make a case to anyone listening that he was out of control and needed help. The truth is, I tried to, and in so doing created a rift between my son and I. I very quickly noticed what I was doing and pulled right back. You see, my son was awakening fear inside of me. The circumstances made it easy to project that outward onto him, but the reality is, he was inviting me to heal my own fear of being out of control, a fear that had been with me since I was a helpless baby. When I was able to see myself in the mirror, instead of him, I could see all the behaviors and patterns that I have engaged in over time to mask, hide and mitigate that fear. I chose that day, to feel it instead. The experience was powerful and shook me to my core. It also freed me from the grips of a fear that had been a blind spot for me.
When we take radical responsibility and own our discomfort rather than projecting it outward, we not only release ourselves from our unintegrated experiences but we also free our loved ones from our projections. That day, I freed myself and my son from my fear. Peace is always available. It is up to us, whether we turn toward it or away from it.
With Love,
Jacqueline
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