The 5 Year Journey!

The Way Healing came into existence just over 4.5 years ago in the early stages of my own healing journey. Thank you all for being such a big part of it. Below is a post I shared on Facebook celebrating an important 5-year milestone. 

Five years ago, on December 11, 2019, I was at the lowest point of my life.  I was powerless over alcohol – my life had become unmanageable. I was suffering from grave emotional and mental disorders, and my actions were destroying the lives of the people I loved the most. As my race to an alcoholic bottom intensified - I had lost my grip on reality. Five years ago, I thought my life was over. Everything I tried to do to get better, made me worse. My self-will had not worked, and self-will run riot had nearly destroyed me. I completely surrendered to the God of my understanding. I completely surrendered to a program of recovery that would prove to, not only treat my alcoholism, but also my emotional and mental disorders. 

Five Years ago, today, I embarked on the most challenging and rewarding journey of my life that has taken me to a spiritual and emotional plane that I didn’t know existed. The challenges faced, obstacles overcome, dragons fought, miracles received, Grace felt will fill the chapters of a book one day. But today, on this day, all I want to share is my gratitude.

I am so grateful for all of YOU.

There is a small group of people that stayed with me through the hardest times. There are many more, including a recovery fellowship, that I joined paths with on the journey. There is absolutely no way I am here without you. You were all I had in that first year. I couldn’t love myself and you loved me anyways. And now all of you are part of my huge family. I am so grateful for you.

There are those that have not been able to be with me on this journey. They have watched from a distance. An alcoholic bottom is like a tornado destroying everything in its path. It is hard to understand if it is the person or if it is the disease until you have experienced it. That time was so confusing and terrifying.  But I could feel you supporting me from the sidelines. I could feel your love and I could hear your prayers for me. It gave the Universe the intention to keep moving me forward. I am so grateful for you. My home, my heart and my mind are forever open to you. 

Then there are the various institutions, agencies and people that swooped in at the point of crisis that put in place a program of isolation, retribution, shame and punishment which I know wasn’t personal. It is just how our system deals with mental health (particularly addiction). Virtually everything that was administered (and still is to this day) was a headwind to recovery and restoring my sanity. I look back at it and I am in disbelief that I overcame it.  But I DID overcome it, and my perspective has broadened. I am now the most grateful for you.

You see, I understand now, 5 years later, that I needed my spirit to be broken to allow Spirit to come in. I needed to experience full powerlessness to surrender to the Power that is beyond self. I needed the obstacles to be in the way to know it was the Way. As my wise sponsor said to me “you have your thinking wrong, these people are you guardian angels, they are to create the conditions for you to transform yourself - the transformation is up to you.” 

The Universe works in mysterious ways, but I have come to believe that the Universe is benevolent. That may be the only thing I really need to believe. Nothing is ever happening to me, it is always happening for me. I just may not have the perspective to see it at the moment. Every single person I have met on this journey has been there to help me in one way or another. I love each one of you. I am so grateful for every moment of my life.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”- Romans 8:28